My Little Angel on Earth

Noah is going through an extremely tough stage right now.  Mark and I call him "Screamer."  He screams and shreiks to express himself.  All day long.  If he is not riding on my hip he screams.  If I put him down on the ground he screams.  If he is sitting on the floor he will immediately flip onto his stomach and scream.  It's so loud that it occasionally scares Isaiah and he comes running to me.  On the long days without Mark I want to hold my head and scream myself.  One thing that gets me through is my little two year old angel.  Isaiah has always amazed me with the endless amount of patients that he possesses.  He is patient like someone years and years beyond even myself.  He always listens to his brother scream both at home and in the car and always remains calm.  It seems like when times get tough at home he is always there to come give me a kiss, a hug, a smile, or a giggle.  There are days where I feel SOOO guilty because Noah is being so needy and I don't feel like I give Isaiah enough attention.  The worse part is that he never has remorse towards me.   He is always so patient.  And that seems to hurt worse!  I don't feel deserving of his patients and I would almost rather a jealous two year old pitching a temper tantrum because he isn't getting enough attention!  Tonight at 8:30pm I laid him down in his crib even though I really wanted some more time with him I knew it was bed time.  He reached up for my hand and laid there holding my hand and "talking" to me in his jabber that he always does.  He then hugged my hand with both arms and put my hand against his cheek.  I felt like I couldn't tell him enough how much I loved him, and I felt so guilty for walking out of the room.  I really wanted to hold him all night long.  I looked at him as I was walking out of the room...he looked so happy with his cup of water and his stuffed animal.  While it pains me that he cannot say "Mama" or "Mommy" or I love you I can't help but think...gosh...what did I ever do to deserve you?  I know that parents are partial to their children but I'm blessed to have the most loving, patient, pure soul in my life and even though he may have his struggles I am so proud to be his mommy.