Christmas

We had such a nice Christmas at home despite the fact that we had a household of sickies with colds.  We chose to hide the presents in our downstairs bathroom until both kids woke up which turned out to be a good idea because Mark caught Isaiah snooping around downstairs at 4 a.m.!  Isaiah overall did well with the chaos of presents but did get overwhelmed late morning and stated falling apart.  Luckily some quiet time by himself with his ipad helped calm him down.   We focused this year on games, books, and art supplies for the kids instead of toys. 

I got Mark a small batch home beer brewing kit (thank you Chuckie for steering me in the direction of Austin Home Brewing!)   He loves it.

Later on that evening we traveled to Mark's restaurant to cook "christmas dinner" which just consisted of a few snacks and fries for the kids.  It was an amazing experience for Isaiah to be able to run around and explore a restaurant.  It was neat for the boys to watch daddy use a fryer to make fries and to let them watch Daddy batter calamari.  They both enjoyed jiggling the fry baskets and say "shake shake shake!"

Overall a great day.  We are so blessed to have the little boys in our lives.  We kept on saying yesterday how much better Christmas is when you have kids of your own!   We were blessed to have celebrated Christmas with Paw Paw and Nana Bartley earlier in the month, and we will (hopefully) celebrate with Gum (Grandma Girmann) and a few of her kiddos next week.  We also look forward to seeing the Estridges in a few weeks!

Must it end!?!?!

This time of year brings bitter sweet feelings.  On one hand I'm preparing for the excitement of preschool and on the other hand I'm sad that we are down to our last few months of Early Intervention.  I am so appreciative of the professionals that we have had in our lives to help us out with Isaiah and his special needs and a lot of time I feel undeserving of the help.   I feel like the past (almost) year has brought forth so many emotions, and in fact I know it has.  There are times that I have seen facebook posts of moms with "normally" developing children and honestly there are times that I feel like shaking those moms and saying "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW EASY YOU HAVE IT!!!"  You have no idea what it's like to have a three year old who can't say "Mama" that's all I selfishly want!!!  But I know where we were, I know where we are now, and I can say that I thank God every day for the professionals in my life and for Isaiah because God knows that it has made me a better mom.  I know that there will always be people out there with children with even more needs than mine and with God forbid a terminal illness. 

I know that there will be people who criticize me for any of this during the past year, might feel like I'm too opinionated, or like I'm putting my child in too much of a "structured" setting  but frankly I don't care.  ;)  Yep...I said it.  Maybe it's just been too long since I've had a good day with the kids but hey....it's been a good day.  For once I feel like my meetings with our professionals have paid off and I'm not in tears at the end of the day .... every day.  For once I feel like my almost three year old had a really good and happy day.

Parenting is really the hardest job in the world but it's the best job.  I love my children and I wouldn't trade any of it.   I have a bond with them that is indescribable and I thank God every day that he deemed me worthy of being the mother to our boys. 

Tantrums, Talking, and other things

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I've written a blog so hopefully I can figure out a short synopsis of what is going on with us.  I'd really like to take a few minutes to talk about Noah since so much of my blog journaling is regarding Isaiah.   Well my favorite youngest son turns a year old in 7 days.  Much to my surprise he started walking at 10 months!  VERY early especially for a boy.  I had always suspected that he would be a mover from early on and he has lived up to my expectations.  At almost 12 months he is running! 

We reached another milestone last week....Noah's first, second, and third REAL temper tantrum.  I know that most of you are thinking...isn't he too young for this?!?!?   I thought the same thing.  But last Tuesday he got into our Developmental Therapist's bag of toys, grabbed a fishing game, and brought it over to me.  He said "Mama" and showed the game to me.  Unfortunately it was the end of Isaiah's session and Miss Kathy was ready to leave.   I told Noah "No we can't play with the fishes right now Miss Kathy has to leave."  Immediately Noah proceeded to run in place while screaming and pointing to the fishy game.  I was kind of caught off guard because this was his first temper tantrum EVER.   I looked at Kathy who was trying not to laugh (trying not to laugh myself) and calmly said "No no Noah.....we don't scream....I know you want to play with the fishes but it's time for the toys to go bye bye."  Since then he has shown Daddy his tantrum skills, and Daddy couldn't believe it.

I have always been on higher alert with Noah developmentally in attempts to catch any speech or developmental delays as early as possible.  I'm happy to report that my hard work with Noah seems to be paying off.  He has at least 4 or 5 words now.  He says Mama, Dada, ball, dog, and says "da" when I ask him if he is all done eating.  I have also started signing and trying to teach him some sign language.  He is starting to sign "all done" when he is done eating. 

I was talking with a family coordinator for Early Intervention (the program Isaiah is in) and she was pointing out how much knowledge parents gain from having a child in the program.  I couldn't agree more and I feel so blessed to have received the education that I have!

Motor Planning/Apraxia

A lot of people tend to ask me what is "wrong" with Isaiah.  Below I have attached several links.  The first link is regarding Apraxia which is linked to Isaiah's speech delay.  Apraxia or motor planning is genetic.  I feel bad because sometimes Mark says "It's my fault...it's in my genes."  That's just silly of him to feel that way and I tell him that all the time.  While it's genetic....the severity of Apraxia or motor planning varies.  The second link is regarding Sensory Processing Disorder.  This is a very confusing and very wide spectrum issue.  Isaiah only fits into a small part of this and has some high functioning and low functioning attributes of SPD.  In the long run I don't look at any of these as a label for Isaiah...that's not what I set out to do.  I look at Isaiah as himself...my favorite 2 1/2 year old.  And I'm blessed that I know how to help him manage his day.  And I'm pretty sure he knows how to manage mine!

I should note that Apraxia and motor planning are something that he will grow out of....he will talk it will just be a slow process.  And the sensory nervous system keeps maturing until the age of 12 so the fact that we are giving him the tools that he needs now will only bode positive tools and results in the future!
http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/pages/apraxia.aspx
http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

6 Month Review

Today we had Isaiah's six month review marking six months since he was first evaluated for the Early Intervention program here in Illinois.  The meeting was great.  I felt so much love in our tiny living room.  Isaiah's coordinator, our social worker/behavior expert, our Speech Therapist, and our Occupational Therapist were all present for our meeting (our Developmental Therapist was on vacation).  I looked around the room several times and I remember thinking to myself that I almost don't feel worthy of the amazing team of experts that are all focused on Isaiah succeeding.  Each therapist talked a bit about Isaiah and it was nothing new ..... Isaiah's speech therapist talked about Isaiah's motor planning and Apraxia and how it would be a slooooooow progress with him with talking.  What really got me in tears was Isaiah's Occupational Therapist.  She is an amazing woman with years of experience and she talked about how well behaved Isaiah is and how he wants to please adults.  She talked about how far he had come and then spent a few minutes telling me what a good Mom I was to him and how I have "figured out" how to best help him with his day to day activities.  Both she and our social worker praised my efforts to follow through on everything all of his therapists have told me to do.  Also for instance...I have figured out Isaiah's sensory issues and how to best help him deal with them.  For instance Isaiah is an EXTREMELY picky eater BUT he craves movement activities.  So before dinner I take him to the park, or to an indoor bounce house...etc.   Or we will sing songs while he jumps on Mark and mine's bed.  I guess most parents in the program don't get that part of it.  I don't really know why....I only want my little man to succeed.  But it helps him to focus.  I'm getting off track.  Shelly (Isaiah's OT) spoke about how much effort I've put into helping Isaiah out with his sensory issues as well as how good of a boy Isaiah is.  She spoke about how Isaiah always hold the door for her when she comes for her sessions, how he knows it's time to work when she arrives, and how he is willing to learn.  We talked about his frustrations when it comes to his lack of language/sensory issues..etc.  I had to tell myself not to cry several times during the meeting because it's an indescribable feeling having such qualified people recognize your efforts as a mom and to care so much for your son.   It was good for Mark to be able to sit in on this meeting with minimal interruptions from work to see what amazing people we have working with us (he is usually working during Isaiah's therapy sessions), and I think it really solidified his realization of what an amazing program Isaiah is in.  In the mean time I still to this day cannot comprehend why God chose me to be Isaiah's Mom.  I feel so undeserving of such an amazing little boy.

11 Months Down...Even More to Go?

Well today marks eleven months in Chicago.  Next month marks one year in Chicago for those of you who couldn't do to math.   Anyway Chicago is in the running to be the city that Mark and I have lived in the longest.  We will either be moving at the end of August or the end of September into hopefully a larger rental house.  Although I've become quite fond of our neighbors in our current neighborhood and will be sad to leave them...especially the kindergarten aged boy who lives across the street and now comes over daily to ask if Isaiah can come outside to play. 

This whole preschool thing has been a huge deciding factor on which suburbs we are considering.  I really can't believe that Isaiah starts preschool in 6 months.  The school district that we are currently considering has an amazing preschool campus with awesome speech assistance for Isaiah as well as having OT's on their staff as well.  The school offers busing as well for the preschoolers, to which my immediate thought was 'Are you crazy?!?'  I'm not going to put my three year old on a bus wondering where Mommy is and where he is going.  No matter where we live I'm planning on driving him to and from school.  It looks like he will have school Monday-Thursday and every other Friday for 2 1/2 hours.  I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.  I do have to give lots of credit for the poor lady whoever she is who answered the phone today and sat through my millions of questions regarding curriculum and speech services offered etc.  Anyway I can't believe that I'm about to be a parent of a preschooler soon. 

In other news Noah who turns 10 months old (really 10 months!?!?!?!?!!) tomorrow is trying so hard to walk!  He will take a step or two and then fall down.  It won't be long!  I will be excited when this biting stage goes away.  I've never had a "biter" before and I don't much care for it!  My Mom cracked me up when she said that Noah needed to come with a warning label.  She was right...it should read CAUTION...will bite, scratch, claw, or pull hair without warning....interact with caution.  All kidding aside these boys are the biggest blessing in our lives and I can't imagine our lives without them.   Children really do bind a family and even though parenting is the hardest job in the world it truly is the BEST JOB in the world.

Ready...Set...Preschool!

So I thought I had about a year before I needed to think about preschool for Isaiah.  With his lack of language creating in the potty training department we don't plan on trying until Isaiah is three, and you have to be potty trained to go to preschool.  This is true for private preschools but not for the local school systems.  It's actually quite interesting how Isaiah's transition from Early Intervention into preschool will be.  In two weeks we have Isaiah's six month evaluation.  It's kind of a check in since it has been six months since he has been initially evaluated to qualify for the program.  We will discuss what they call "transition" at this time.  It turns out that in December or beginning of January Isaiah will be evaluated by the school district in order to qualify him for a certain amount of "speech minutes" each week in the preschool program.  Here is where it gets tricky.  Different school systems are better than others (this is obvious not matter what grade your child is in) and each school district will qualify Isaiah for a different set of minutes each week.  Isaiah's speech therapist is going to push for Isaiah to receive 120 minutes a week of speech assistance however that doesn't guarantee us anything.  With all the budget cuts in the schools there are some schools that are only offering as little as 30 minutes a week!  Yikes!  Fortunately we are renting and we can seek out the better school districts and move to that suburb so that Isaiah can receive services (of course better schools are in the three most expensive suburbs in south Chicago more property taxes!).  So I'm starting to feel the crunch!  We move to a new rental house in two months, three months later Isaiah gets evaluated by the schools, and two months after that we start preschool!  It is nice that EI helps with the transition into preschool and our social worker says she will help me find summer speech programs for Isaiah for when he is done with his first year of preschool.  This is all the plan of action if we stay in Chicago.  Who knows with Mark's work!  In the meantime we feel blessed to have such a wonderful support system for our favorite two year old!

Family Fun

Monday I traveled to Lafayette, IN to meet up with my mom and three youngest siblings at a life long friend's (of my mom's) house.   While the 2 1/2 hour turned three hour drive with two babies was not easy or peaceful I'm delighted to be within driving distance to friends and family!  I can't help but feel like I'm home again every time I cross from Illinois to Indiana.  It's very refreshing seeing small towns and TREES! 

Being a life long Ohio State fan (and being from Ohio) I thought that my skin might boil and fall off as I drove past Purdue University but luckily that didn't happen and I did appreciate the small town feel of Lafayette/West Lafayette.  Isaiah had a ball with his uncles and aunt.  He jumped on a big trampoline, played in a tree house, and "swam" in a delightfully warm pool!  Uncle Robby even showed him how to drive his remote control car.  It was so nice to visit with the Lake family as well.  The three girls that I used to babysit in high school are now three beautiful Godly young women who were such a help with my boys!  I was overwhelmed by the hospitality of the Lake Family and I look forward to many visits to come in the future!

A Little OT Fun

I really can't say enough about Isaiah's Occupational Therapist.  She is such a wonderful lady with so much wonderful experience.  I took these photos during his last session.  She brought her swing with her for the first time.  With her permission I took a few pictures.  I was a little jealous of Isaiah!  He had a blast!

In other exciting news...this morning Mark walked out to his car to get something, and then walked back into the house to pour some coffee and leave for work.  On his way back into the house Isaiah ran to the window and said "Da!!!!!!!!"  I'm so excited that Isaiah knows Mark is called "Dad."  :)

My Little Angel on Earth

Noah is going through an extremely tough stage right now.  Mark and I call him "Screamer."  He screams and shreiks to express himself.  All day long.  If he is not riding on my hip he screams.  If I put him down on the ground he screams.  If he is sitting on the floor he will immediately flip onto his stomach and scream.  It's so loud that it occasionally scares Isaiah and he comes running to me.  On the long days without Mark I want to hold my head and scream myself.  One thing that gets me through is my little two year old angel.  Isaiah has always amazed me with the endless amount of patients that he possesses.  He is patient like someone years and years beyond even myself.  He always listens to his brother scream both at home and in the car and always remains calm.  It seems like when times get tough at home he is always there to come give me a kiss, a hug, a smile, or a giggle.  There are days where I feel SOOO guilty because Noah is being so needy and I don't feel like I give Isaiah enough attention.  The worse part is that he never has remorse towards me.   He is always so patient.  And that seems to hurt worse!  I don't feel deserving of his patients and I would almost rather a jealous two year old pitching a temper tantrum because he isn't getting enough attention!  Tonight at 8:30pm I laid him down in his crib even though I really wanted some more time with him I knew it was bed time.  He reached up for my hand and laid there holding my hand and "talking" to me in his jabber that he always does.  He then hugged my hand with both arms and put my hand against his cheek.  I felt like I couldn't tell him enough how much I loved him, and I felt so guilty for walking out of the room.  I really wanted to hold him all night long.  I looked at him as I was walking out of the room...he looked so happy with his cup of water and his stuffed animal.  While it pains me that he cannot say "Mama" or "Mommy" or I love you I can't help but think...gosh...what did I ever do to deserve you?  I know that parents are partial to their children but I'm blessed to have the most loving, patient, pure soul in my life and even though he may have his struggles I am so proud to be his mommy.

Back to Life...Back to Reality!

Ah Monday...while I would probably much rather be on a lake or a boat somewhere (hmm...I wonder who has one of those..:) ) I'm happy to be back to our routine.  I'm even more happy that I bit the bullet and unpacked and put away all suitcases and bags from our trip to Ohio (could I have squeezed another and into that sentence?).  Brandie and Jeremy's wedding was beautiful and it was so neat to see how she incorporated all of the Hispanic Culture into the wedding!  What is even more impressive is how she got my brother to take ballroom and latin dance classes!  Another bonus of the wedding was that I saved myself hours of leg work at the gym by chasing around two babies all day and night in 10 inch heels. 

It was neat to get to revisit some places that Mark and I had gone while we were dating.  The boys did as good as can be expected on all car rides and we all feel pretty rested.  I will have to recommend the Comfort Suites in Fairfield, OH (near Cincinnati Mills Mall) if anyone is traveling into Cincinnati and needs a hotel to stay in.  Our family had a huge hotel room with a separate bedroom, separate living room, kitchen, and a bathroom.  It was great space for our family and they provide free breakfast...bonus!

For now I'm happy to be back to $4.09 gas, overpriced groceries, and constant traffic!  On a cute note Noah woke up with morning, looked around this morning, and then looked at me and said "Da???"  Like "Where's Dad?"  The boys sure enjoyed Mark being off work for a while!

Hip Hip Hooray I'm 8 Months Old Today!!!

I can't believe Noah is eight months old today!  I also cannot believe that he weighs more than 20 pounds!  I say this every month but he is going to be a year before we know it!  He is still working on crawling.  He will get into position but not move.  He is afraid of falling so I've been practicing on Mark and mine's bed with him where he is not so afraid of falling and hitting his head.  He has not yet met a solid food that he doesn't like or won't try to eat (that's probably obvious) and I have to be careful that he doesn't get his hands on my food or his brother's!

Some Things Just Go Together Like Shaving Cream and Grilled Chicken

So as a part of Isaiah's sensory development to help him with his SPD this therapists are always giving me homework assignments to do with him i.e.: making buckets of dry beans and putting little toys in them for Isaiah to find, letting Isaiah play in yogurt on the kitchen table, letting Isaiah play in shaving cream, or play dough.  I recently mentioned to Isaiah's OT that he has never eaten plain meat such as a burger patty, grilled or baked chicken...etc.  They suggested me using sensory exercises at home to help him with this issue.  I was not sure how saving cream was supposed to make my picky toddler eat baked chicken but I decided to give it a try.  Last night I grilled myself chicken for dinner with black beans on the side and for Isaiah I let him have a few leftover fries, some cheese, and some fruit (I know all star mom here...such a healthy meal for my son).  He was sitting on our bench seat with me.  He looked down at his plate, and then looked over at mine.  He got up, walked over to my plate, took the my entire chicken breast off my plate and started eating it!  I was so amazed.  Mark was too when I told him late last night.  Hmm..maybe there really is something to all this!

Questions

Yesterday we had our "big day" where we took Isaiah to Illinois Masonic Hospital in the city for his clinical evaluation.  I kind of knew that it had about a 90% chance or being a disaster based on the fact that it was scheduled right smack dab in the middle of his nap time but I really didn't want to have to wait six months to get him in!  We headed 30 minutes away to pick up Daddy from work and then into the city.   We were fortunate to get the results of the evaluation yesterday early evening.  The Developmental Pediatrician was happy to let us know that there were no signs of Isaiah having any level of Autism which is great news.  My biggest question going into this was if there was an underlying reason that Isaiah has not and seems not to be developing much speech despite therapy.  Isaiah also has some decreased eye contact and doesn't always respond to his name all of the time.  The findings of the evaluation came up with some controversial results that Isaiah's current therapists don't totally agree with, and Mark and I have some questions as well.  To make a long stroy short their report indicated that a lot of Isaiah's failure to develop speech were related to a Sensory Processing Disorder or because of behavior.  The evaluation team sort of indicated that Isaiah wants things done his way, doesn't want to do things another person's way, and speech is hard for him so he just doesn't want to try.  They thought that his reduced eye contact were because when confronted with a challenge that he doesn't want to do he will avoid eye contact to avoid that activity.  Isaiah's current therapy team along with Mark and I have some questions around this.  Isaiah's cognitive scores are right on track with his age if not higher.  Why does he score near a three year old for some cognitive things but he has failed to develop speech?  Also, at two years old isn't that a little young to just DECIDE 'Hey, I don't feel like talking.'  What is the underlying reason that he is age appropriate in every other area of his life except for speech?  In talking with Isaiah's OT today her thoughts were that Isaiah is a good boy and he really does try hard to do different things.  She thinks that his frustration comes when he doesn't know how to do something or wants to do something but can't quite figure it out.  I tend to agree with her.  I know he has his tantrums frequently but I'm not thinking they are behavioral most of the time (sometimes they are).  Isaiah's OT says that there is a fine line between behavioral problems and a processing problem.  She compares Isaiah's issues to a traffic jam.  It's as if there is a bunch of information coming into his brain from all five senses but he just can't quite sort it out.  It really does make a lot of sense to me.  So now I'm at the point where I'm asking where we go from here.  We are trying to bring in a more experience speech therapist to work with Isaiah, and beyond that we are wondering about Apraxia or a motor planning problem.  I'm feeling blessed to have such an experienced team already working with Isaiah in the OT and DT department, and hopefully we can secure a Speech Therapist for Isaiah with more experience (he has not "clicked with his current therapist and we have had several wasted sessions).  I'm honestly not sure if we will have another evaluation with a different hospital targeting motor planning or Apraxia or what.   Our Early Intervention family planner has to read the comprehensive report and speak with us and Isaiah's OT for now.

A day that I never want to repeat

Oh man today was just one of those days that I NEVER want to repeat .... ever!  Isaiah woke up on  the wrong side of the crib after having a bad day yesterday as well.  Speech Therapy was one big temper tantrum during which he had to be put in time out twice.  Isaiah's severe tantrums were making Noah scream at the top of his lungs.  I was constantly scraping two screaming children off of the floor.  During the second time out in his crib Isaiah started to lay down and fall asleep.  I ended his session early and Isaiah took a very early but much needed nap.   I wondered if Isaiah was running a fever so after he woke I took his temperature under his arm.  Because of his sensory issues he screamed the entire time despite me rocking and talking to him.  No fever.  Well that's good I guess.  Isaiah seems to cheer up in time for OT at 12:45.  During OT the same screaming for Noah continues who doesn't want to be set down.  I somehow managed to complete a sensory evaluation the therapist brought for me with a screamy baby on my hip.  (The shrills from Noah are just to express himself..and because he can.  They are quite annoying)  Noah goes down for his nap shortly after OT is over with, and a little while later we head to run errands.  I HATE going to the mall by myself with both boys but I needed to pick up my contacts.  I load the caddy (double stroller) and I somehow make it in and out of Lens Crafters with only mild (ok not so mild) temper tantrums from the 7 month old. 

Now I have a strict rule about putting kids in the car.  I ALWAYS leave at least one door open and I usually wait until both kids are buckled to start the car.  It was 85 degrees outside this evening.  I put Noah in his seat...he is screaming.  I tell him I'm going to feed you Noah I promise Mommy just needs to put the stroller in the car.  I was going to nurse Noah in the car while Isaiah ate his snack.  I decide to start the car to get the air running but for whatever reason I don't buckle Isaiah in his car seat.  I run around the back of our Durango, fold up the monster, and put it in the back of the car.  I close the hatch and hear the most awful sound...."click."  I immediatly go OH NO!  I try to open the hatch...it's locked.  I run around to all doors...they are locked.  In the time I folded up the stroller Isaiah had climbed into the front seat and pressed the master lock of the car.  Something he has never done before.  I immediatly feel like the worst mom in the world.  My blackberry is locked in the car with the kids and the keys.  Luckily the air is on.  I try for a minute to get Isaiah to unlock the door, open a window...something.  Of course nothing.  What was I thinking?  Luckily we are in the first row in the parking lot.  I run into Macy's and spot a few girls I ask frantically if I can borrow a cell phone because I had an emergency.  Luckily one of them had one and I called 911.  Luckily the phone call was quick and a police officer was there within 5 or 10 minutes.   The entire time I had such a drained feeling and I was cursing my husbands job over and over again in my head.  Kinds of having a conversation with myself.  I kept telling myself that I'm so thankful that I can stay home with the kids but sometimes I HATE his job.  Like today where he had already been gone for over 12 hours and was now out to dinner.  Or for the golf outing that his company took him on during our precious family time.  Or the fact that he didn't answer his phone when I was panicking tonight and needed his support.  Or the fact that he has to work now on his day off tmr.  All of these thoughts are completely ridiculous and pointless and I felt bad for thinking them.  Once the police officer arrived he had the car open in about 20 seconds.  I immediately scooped up a red faced crying Noah trying not to cry myself.  Again...feeling like the worst mom in the world.  The police officer kind of gave me a sympathy look, I said thank you and he left. 

Despite feeding and cuddling him Noah screams the 25 minute trip home.  Upon arriving home I find a cute little pug dog sitting on our door step.  Great.  Isaiah squeals with delight and starts playing with the dog.  It's a very sweet little dog and it begs to come into our house so I say what the heck.  I let the dog in...put it in our back yard and start walking down the street to find the owner.  Our neighbor's pitt bull gets out and comes to our house as well.  I'm thinking REALLY!?!?!  I return the pitt bull and continue on my search for this little dog's owner.  I found the owner driving around looking for the dog.  She is so grateful and leaves with little Leah.  I get home...no time to mow the lawn and Mark's stupid Dalmatian has peed in his cage again.  I have two kids seriously behind bedtime routines and lunch and dinner for myself are now an after thought.  Three diaper changes, a poop blowout, a spit up all over the carpet occurrence, and two sets of jammies later the kids are finally in bed.  Now to wash the spit up out of the carpet, deal with the pain in the butt dogs, and maybe take a shower at some point?  I'm very thankful that my kiddos are safe and well after everything that happened today, but I'm very glad to bury this day in the "never happened" vault and move on to tomorrow.

A snake says ssssssss

I'm sure that most of these posts are completely uninteresting and pointless for anyone other than myself who reads this, but bear with me.  This is serving as a great way for me to keep track of Isaiah's progress.  This past week marked some milestones with Isaiah's communication.  At the end of meals Isaiah if asked "all done?" will sign back to me the sign for all done.  When I ask Isaiah what a snake says he will say "sssssss."  If I ask Isaiah what a train says he pumps his arm up and down   and says "ch ch ch ch."  There is no vowel sound with it yet.  If I ask Isaiah what a Lion says he will make kind of a soundless growl or rather a hissing sound.  It's kind of a growl without sound.  Isaiah will also point to things and say "this."  The other day I was laying on the couch with Isaiah and I was scrolling through the photos on my blackberry and with each photo I was saying a little one line saying about it.  I think Isaiah thought I was reading to him.  Anyway he saw a picture of Mark, pointed to it, and said "da."  I think he knows dada goes with Mark but just chooses not to use it at he moment.  While these are all very exciting it seems that once he really has a new learned skill down he stops doing whatever he was doing.  Like now that the weekend is here I can't for the life of me get him to sign all done at the end of a meal.  Oh well we will keep encouraging!

Le Butt Scooter

Most of my posts on here are regarding Isaiah so today I will say a little note on our favorite 7 month old.  Noah is such an active baby!  He never really sits still.  If he is sitting his arms are waving, or he is scooting.  The picures above are one that were taken after I had walked into the bathroom to blow my nose ha.  I put him sitting down in the boppy, and when I came out he was halfway across the living room!  He is trying to crawl but is doing a lot of face planting right now....poor thing.  His favorite hobbies these days are eating anything he can get his hands on, screaming, moving constantly, smiling, laughing, and saying dadadadadadadadada.

It's Hard Being Two

Here we are in the midst of a bad battle of colds with our kiddos and it seems that Isaiah's sensory issues seems to be rearing their head especially frequently.  Luckily, with prayer and concentration I've been able to keep my patience over the weekend!  Here are a few examples of things Isaiah has been having troubles with over the weekend:  Yesterday afternoon after cleaning and doing laundry all day I decided to place a pillow on the floor (strike one mom), and lay down on it (strike two and three).  Poor Isaiah was so bothered by the pillow on the floor that he started his temper tantrum and ran crying into his room.  Finally after working with him for what seemed like forever he calmed down.  After Isaiah's diaper had leaked during the night I had to wash his crib sheets.  That was way too much change for him.  His bed was not the same!  Luckily...what do you know?!?!  The sheets came OUT of the dryer!  Wow!  Isaiah's clothes didn't feel right, his diaper bugged him, and the list goes on.  It's honestly surprising easy to remain calm even with the tantrums sometimes allllllll day long because I just feel so bad for the kid.  On top of everything he is feeling he just can't tell me how he feels right now and that has to be tough.  I often put myself in his shoes and yeah I would be frustrated too!  I also know that him not feeling the best due to his cold is not helping things.  Well it's back to our therapy schedule this week so time to clean the house and pick up the other tiny thing that is protesting in his jumperoo!

Practice Makes Progress

Oh Lordy this is the last post of the day I swear.  While this is probably serving as a complete nuisance to most people it's a good journal for me to track Isaiah's developmental progress.  We seems to have made some communication progress this week after eight weeks of therapy.  Isaiah seems to be getting the hang of "up" and today while climbing onto the couch and onto my lap he said "UP!"  He also has had a breakthrough with sign language.  Just when his therapists thought he would never pick it up, he signed "all done", "open", "please", and "more" at one point this week.  He also is pointing to w hat he wants and will say "this."  This tells us that he at least KNOWS the signs.  Tonight he ate dinner in his high chair as usual and started fussing when I knew he was done.  I asked him..."All done Isaiah?"  while signing to him as I always do and he looked at me and signed "all done" right back at me.  I immediately started cheering Yeaaaa!!!!!!   Isaiah!!!!!!!  you signed all done!!!!  Good work!!!!  Mommy loves your signs!!!!!  It just warms my heart any time that Isaiah is able to communicate with me without tears.  Isaiah's words and signs are still very inconsistent.  He might go days and even a week or two without repeating a word or sign but we are seeing clues that he is becoming slightly more consistent.

I finally did hear back from Illinois Masonic regarding Isaiah's clinical evaluation which has been set for May 16th in the city.  We are very much looking forward to this to see if there is a clinical diagnosis for Isaiah. 

One area that Isaiah's occupational therapist is so helpful with me on is Isaiah's sensory difficulties.  For instance Isaiah acts like he is being lowered into hot lava any time I brushed his teeth, cut his hair, washed his hear, combed his hair, trim his nails, got him dressed, changed his diaper....etc.  It's so hard seeing him screaming and crying when I try to trim his hair even though he he is in his high chair with with some fruit snacks in front of his favorite cartoon.  We have mastered the teeth brushing thanks for our friends at Crayola who have invented a light up tooth brush and he now opens his mouth for me to brush his teeth where before he writhed on the ground crying when I tried to brush his teeth.  It's been baby steps.  Lots of positive reinforcement and love.  I'm so grateful for the program that we are in and for the professionals that are helping Isaiah.  Still praising God for our two handsome blessings, and thankful for their health.

Hip Hip Horay Noah is Seven Months Today!

Today I am officially on blog overload since I've been behind.  Anyway today Noah turned seven months old and decided to ring in this special day with FINALLY rolling over!  Even though he has been sitting up for a month he hadn't rolled over.  Our Pedi said at his six month check up that she wasn't worried and that within a month he probably would roll over and he did!  He popped his first two teeth on the bottom five months earlier than his older brother did, and the top ones don't seem to be far behind.  He is turning into quite the dramatic baby.  He has learned to scream....oh the screaming.  I think he does it for attention.  If I ignore him he gets louder and more persistant.  He eats food like it is going to run away from him.  I put him and his brother in high chairs and we eat meals together the three of us, and before I even get him fully lowered into the chair he has already got a handful of whatever is on the tray and is shoving it into his mouth.  I do have to be careful the other day he snatched his older brother's grilled cheese out of his hand and started eating it!  Sorry buddy...too early for wheat and dairy!  Noah is very vocal.  He might actually be our good talker?  On Wednesday Isaiah's developmental therapist remarked on how many sounds she heard out of Noah.  She was amazed at the sounds that he tries to make.  He is making many attempts to reach things out of his reach causing him to face plant.  He is also scooting around on the floor to reach things.  I cannot believe that seven months have gone by.  This teething time is rough but nothing lasts forever.  Still praising God for our blessings and forever thanking him for our health!

Battles of the mind

So all along throughout this journey with Isaiah I find myself racking my brain with the "what ifs and the should haves."  For instance, while I was pregnant with Isaiah I kept a caffeine chart by my side at all times and I very strictly kept track of how much I drank during the day.  I kept my intake below 200 mg a day.  Most days I maxed out at 100mg.  At the time I was working full time...most days leaving our house in Noblesville at 4a.m. to go to work downtown.  I also worked two jobs...one downtown manging the hotel and the other at the horse barn.  Did I overdo it?  Is it because we placed Isaiah in childcare for the first 10 months of his life?  I constantly kill myself with asking my conscience these questions hoping to find a magical instant answer as to why he has such delays in his development.  Is it my fault?  What did I do?  And then I hear stories like the one Isaiah's speech therapist told me this week.   She has been working with a 10 year old boy.  He in 10 years has never been able to drink from a straw.  For a year this therapist had been working on and offering him a drink with a straw in it.  One day this therapist went with this boy and his mom to a restaurant and they ordered him a drink with a straw like they had been doing for the past year.  On this day...the boy actually drank from the straw!  The therapist started screaming and cheering...so loud that the poor boy peed himself!  And it's stories like this that make me truck on and think I don't have it that bad at all!  This week we were fortunate to have Mark home from work for two days in a row and on the second day Mark walked into the kitchen, gave me a hug, and said "I don't know how you do it...stay at home with the kids...but I'm greatful that you do."  I'm so blessed that I can stay at home with the kids.  I'm blessed that we can afford it, and that I have a husband who appreciates what I do at home with the kids and the house.  I told Mark that when things get tough at home with the boys I just think about those parents or moms that sit up at Childrens every day with terminally ill children, or parents who have lost children and that will snap my mind back to reality real quick and I just have to think "I don't have it that bad at all."   And I don't.  Still praising God for the gifts he has given us and still thankful for our health.

Sleepy Thursday

I cannot believe we are almost halfway through April where is the time going!?!? Now that Isaiah is officially set in his four therapy sessions a week I'm finding myself and the kids very busy. I'm also finding that my kitchen has overtaken me and for some reason my vow to declutter the counter tops always goes unfulfilled. I've always wanted an island in my kitchen and now that I've got one at the moment I've realized that they really only serve one purpose and that is to collect crap. I always call it the "crap collector." I don't know how any woman with small children can keep a house tidy. For some reason the laundry and the kitchen are always my biggest challenges every day.

Anyway Isaiah is coming leaps and bound with his Occupational Therapy. Just today his therapist was saying that he is completing some tasks way beyond what a two year old should be able to complete, and she always comments on how "smart he is." Of course after that being said he immediately threw himself on the ground in a fit because he didn't want to clean up the activity he was doing before moving on to the next one. It seems that he wanted to remind us that he is still two years old. What isn't coming along however is his ability to pick up on any sign language. I asked his speech Therapist about why that might be and she said that it might not be his thing and that he might not pick up on it. None the less we are still using it and I am still signing to him all day long every day. Even if he can't sign to me it might help him to understand what I am trying to communicate with him.

We are still waiting to hear when Isaiah will have his clinical evaluation at Illinois Masonic. I'm hoping that the Neurologist on the team will help us with the big question of why this language development just isn't "clicking."

Meanwhile I've been smiling to myself (smiling is too kind of a word) about how quickly we forget little stages as parents that our infants go through and yet how quickly we are reminded of them when we go through them a second time. I'm talking about teething. Noah just popped his first two teeth on bottom five whole months earlier than his older brother did. You can't help but feel so sorry for the kid with all of the screaming and crying and drooling and needing to be held. So on top of therapy 4 times a week, a very destructive two year old, a teething almost 20 pound 6 1/2 month old leech, and myself trying to get to the gym every now and then I guess I'm just glad I have a husband who doesn't mind a messy kitchen when he gets home from work! Shoo...and why I tried to cram the Children's Museum, running an errand, therapy, and the gym into one day today is beyond me. At least I had time to feed the kids!

Up

Ladies and Gentlemen I think we have a first word out of Isaiah...."Up!" During his therapy sessions Isaiah's therapists usually stack blocks or cups and with each cup that is placed on top of the other we all clearly say "Up....up.....up!" Now every time he stacks something he says "up!" We are now trying to teach him that up can mean more than just stacking cups up, it can mean "up" as in hold me mommy or "up" because I want what's on the counter...etc.

We have also continue to notice Isaiah's improvement with his receptive language. I noticed that I can ask Isaiah if he wants some crackers, or fruit (or whatever snack i'm offering) and he will shake his head no if he doesn't want what I am offering him. Huge step! Either that or he will smile and reach his hand out if he does want what I am offering him. Isaiah is also consistantly waving both hi and bye.

Each little milestone Isaiah makes is so exciting for me right now, and what is even more exciting is that Noah is so interested in Isaiah's therapy sessions that it has to be good for him as well. I'm still thanking the Lord for the health and safety of our family. Even though we face challenges with our two year old I am forever giving thanks that God chose me to be Isaiah's mom, and for Isaiah's good health. I'm also forever thankful for an amazing husband who not only works so hard to support our family but who is an amazing father to our boys.

Finally...Speech...

I'm so relieved to have finally heard good news from our family's coordinator in regards to Isaiah's speech therapy! We have found speech for him two days a week. One day a week in our home and another at a Pediatric Therapy Clinic. I anticipate nothing but good things and maybe some more clues to the puzzle. Even though 4 days or sessions a week is going to be a lot, it's so nice to have the resources that Isaiah needs. We have seen nothing but positive things from our two year old since he started the program and we are thrilled that he now has the help he needs from all angles! Plus, I can now go about my day with delightful new songs stuck in my head as a result of sitting in on his every therapy session....

"We are going for a ride....We are going for a ride....Sit down and buckle up...we're going for a ride!" (Oh Lordy....)

We will return to the hearing test center in June because during his test this week he had fluid in his ears, and the hearing tech could not complete one of the tests she needed. She did say that as of now she had no concerns, but this other test will need to be done. So it's back to Sertoma in June for that. We are headed to Illinois Masonic in April to have a clinical evaluation for Isaiah. On the team who will be evaluating or playing with Isaiah for all he knows or cares about will be: a Speech Therapist, OT, DT, Neurologist, a Specialized Pediatrician, and maybe a Psychiatrist. Wow! What a team! I'm glad to be ruling things out if nothing else, and hopefully they will just tell us that Isaiah's only challenge is his speech delay. In the meantime he is beginning to interact with his little brother more, and his imitation and pretending skills are improving.

A day of Doctors

This morning we had Isaiah's hearing test which...drumroll....he passed! Afterward Mark and I had mixed emotions and all we could say was "Well...I guess that's good?" It's not that we were wishing he wouldn't pass but it would have been a huge "Ah Ha" moment as to why Isaiah's language development is so delayed. At least we have ruled something out. The good news is that since starting OT and DT Isaiah's receptive language seems to be improving a little bit. It's onto the next evaluation while we are waiting to get Isaiah into speech therapy.

Noah had his 6 month well baby check up this afternoon and all continues to be well with him. At 18 lbs 3-4 ounces it's obvious that he is a good eater. His days are filled with non stop talking and his new favorite hobby is shrieking as loudly as possible.

Target Angels

It seems like not matter how stressful things get with dealing with two children two and under I am always thanking God for the two wonderful children that we have. Today I was especially humbled when an Angel came upon me and my boys at Target. Now usually during grocery shopping trips I get the usual negative stares or comments from older women such as "Oh you are too young to have two kids... or Aren't you too young to have children?" Or my personal favorite...when it's 70 degrees outside....."Your baby doesn't have socks on....he is cold." Really!?!? My usual response is that well...maybe when my husband and I are 40 I will maybe look 20 by then and he is that 40 year old with the hot 20 year old wife! Anyway...today at Target I was again tackling my two boys fussing while I only needed one thing! A woman passed us and I noticed that she had a little girl around the same age as Isaiah. She stopped us and asked how old Noah was. I said 6 months. She said "Oh I have a little boy 6 months old!" I kind of found it odd that he wasn't with her. Before I could ask where he was she told me..."He died when he was one month old." My heart sank and all I could say was "Oh I'm so sorry God bless him." She proceeded to tell me how he passed away and then asked when Noah was born. I told her Septmeber 20th and she told me her son was born on the 26th....Noah's original due date. I could then tell that even on her small frame she still had a small post partum belly and immediately I felt very selfish. I am so hard and down on myself most of the time for not having the perfect tight body that I once had in my previous life before children. This woman that I met was such an inspiration and seemed so at peace, and I almost didn't feel worthy of the time that she gave me. She was so sweet. It really reaffirmed Mark and mine's thoughts that we say over and over again and that is "No matter how bad things could ever get between us and our family at least we have our health." And it's true. I would take a million bad days alone with the kids over anything else really. You know I recall when I was pregnant with Isaiah so many people told me..."Your life is over"....what they really should have said was..."Your life as you know it might be over....but the best part of your life is just beginning." I feel blessed to be touched by one of God's angels today. Her positive attitude through such a tragedy was inspiration beyond words. God bless you and your family. :)